You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize