Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
