Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
