I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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