my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
