i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
