it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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