Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
