just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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