Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
