I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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