I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
