also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
