Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want to make out with him forever
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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