Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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