So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I deserve this hangover.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize