Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
