How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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