THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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