The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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