Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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