Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
