i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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