I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
