I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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