She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
