Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
