hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
