..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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