If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
