What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
