I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
