she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
