and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
