i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
