yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
