Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
