Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
