Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
