toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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