How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
