peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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