wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
