meet me or not, i'm out of control
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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