Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
