put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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