I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize