I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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