Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
