can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
