i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
