Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
