I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
