Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
