i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
