so explain again why im purple
no
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize