I could have mohawked her pubes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
