ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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