I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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