I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
