filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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