I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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