Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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