I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
