Nicole vs. Life
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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