I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
