Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
