So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize