In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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