I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
