I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
