I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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