he wants to bone in the snuggie
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this just has baby written all over it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
