Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
