I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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