No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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