that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
