I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
