oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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