The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just forgot I was standing up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
