Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
