Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
